We were initially excited when our pilot told us over the intercom that we were due to land 15 minutes early in Phuket. That excitement quickly turned to disappointment when we flew into a giant, black storm cloud and the pilot informed us that we couldn't land due to a thunderstorm and would have to circle the airport for 20 minutes. That 20 minutes led to another 20 minutes during which time we could see at least 20 other aircraft circling around in the sky with us. Eventually we landed 45 minutes late.

We walked into the terminal and Lidia took her phone off flight mode and went to the loo. By the time she walked out again and checked her phone she a bunch of lovely text messages from Telstra. They went something like this:

You have used $100 worth of data

You have used $200 worth of data

You have used $300 worth of data

You have used $400 worth of data

You have used $500 worth of data

You have used $600 worth of data

We quickly turned mobile data off on her phone before we racked up the national debt of Thailand and chalked it up to experience.

A 45 minute drive to a tiny jetty was to take us to our destination, Coconut Island. This tiny, palm-treed island is a 5 minute boat ride from the Phuket jetty. The storm had taken out the main jetty on Coconut Island, so the transfer had to take us the back way. Instead of landing on the jetty lined with fairy lights with palm trees peppering the beach, we were taken to an industrial jetty on the other side of the island and transferred to the resort on the back of a small 100 year old truck with a squeaky fan belt, which was crammed full of shouting Japanese tourists. A much more cultural way of arriving in my opinion.

We came for Tona's birthday with a bunch of people and by the time we were checked in it was 11:30pm and everyone was in bed. On check in they gave us a wristband to put on our wrists to get free drinks and I immediately put mine on and tightened it around my wrist, not realising that you can tighten it but not loosen it.

The next morning we woke up and started exploring the resort. We found ourselves up at Tona's villa at 6:30am. We knocked on the door and fortunately Tona and Mal were awake, although Mal was sporting a disconcerting lack of clothing. It was so great to see my sister and her hubby again. Jordie and Ash were next door and joined us. Turns out Jordie had also tightened his wrist band until it was almost cutting off his circulation. Like Uncle, like nephew I guess.

We all went for breakfast where we caught up with Helen and Sharon.

After brekky we headed back to Tona's villa where we all jumped in the pool and held the inaugural "best sexy look while exiting the pool" competition. It was unanimously decided that I won due to my striking resemblance to Tom Ellis from Lucifer. Jordie, on the other hand, looked like a scary clown. Tona gave it her best shot, but the competition was over before it began.

We also discovered a waterslide near the bar and it gave us no end of fun. Innocent sliding turned into fierce competition as we decided to see who could go the fastest. Jordie definitely won this competition with his technique of standing on the top step and leaping onto the waterslide with a slap of his guts on the fibreglass. He almost flipped out of the slide on the first corner using this technique. There was a heart-stopping moment when we were all standing in the pool at the bottom of the slide waiting for Mal to come down. We knew he was on his way down when a tiny little Thai girl skipped up to the pool and jumped in right in front of the slide exit. We all held our hands up to our mouths in shock as Mal came barrelling down the slide like a yeti on a bobsled and hit the pool like an atomic bomb. The little girl looked up at us with a look of sheer terror on her little face as a tsunami of water smacked her in the back of the head and pushed her face into the water. Fortunately she survived the ordeal.

The following day, Lidia asked me to research which foods in Thailand are safe to eat. I found that the food here is mostly safe, although one person said that he had explosive runs which stopped when he stopped eating the little round Thai eggplants. At lunch, Lidia ordered a green Thai curry which had these eggplants in it. I told her about the blog I read and she decided just to try half of one to see what they tasted like.

After lunch we went for a couple's massage in the spa. Anyone who has read my past blogs will know that I traditionally have issues with massages and for some reason I keep going back for more punishment. But we are in Thailand and I do love a good Thai massage, so I had to take the chance. My masseuse was a little round Thai woman who looked harmless enough, although it took about one nanosecond for her to leap up onto the table and onto my back, crawling her way up my body using her elbows, which I swear were specifically sharpened for the occasion.

She then jumped off the table and stood behind my head. As she massaged my back she leant down and laid her tummy on the back of my head so that she could reach down to the small of my back. She kept doing this and pressing her stomach down on my head, putting so much pressure on it that I thought my whole head was going to pop right through the hole in the table. I had a brief moment of panic when I envisioned an oversized ambulance having to come and cart me away with a massage table wrapped around my neck.

Luckily, this didn't happen. It was around this time, halfway through our massages when I heard Lidia say to her masseuse, "I need to use the toilet". She was gone for a while and then came back in and said "Scotta, I'm not feeling well and have to go back to the room." That Thai eggplant has done it's job. Fortunately by the time I finished my massage and got back to the room it had passed and she was right as rain after that, rescheduling her massage for the next day.

After our massages and Jordie's customary two lunches, it was time for waterslide championships part two. This time we decided to concentrate on aquaplaning off the end of the slide and seeing who could skim over the surface of the exit pool for the greatest distance. While we were limbering up poolside, Jordie stood on a weak board in the decking. We heard a loud crack and suddenly there was a big hole in the board. Shouldn't have had that second lunch. Then it was into the pool and the competition began.

We found the technique of going down head first and then launching yourself off the end of the slide like a seal worked the best. Jordie was still working on maximising his speed and was toying with the idea of smearing himself with soap. I think he won't be satisfied until he's completely jumped the side of the slide and landed in the jungle, breaking a few bones.

All was going well and the greatest aquaplaning distance was a tie between Sharon and Ash, who came shooting out of the slide like Flipper and skidded across the surface of the pool in an impressive display, almost taking everyone out in the process. We were all in the pool waiting for Jordie to come down when suddenly a skinny tall Russian woman waded over and stood right in front of the exit of the slide. She was apparently waiting for her kid to come down, but we all knew Jordie was next and given his propensity to hit the pool like a scud missile and given he was probably three times her weight, we had visions of him going through her like a freight train through a pudding. I think I saw her life flash before my eyes and we all started yelling at her maniacally to get out of the way. Jordie came around the last corner like an avalanche and I was absolutely flabbergasted that she was able to get out of his way before being pulverised into eternity. It was a scary moment.

It was Malcolm's birthday that day and we all had a nice dinner in the restaurant to celebrate the old man's 55th year. 55 was a pertinent number, because it also marked the number of times Jordie has bitten an ulcer on his lip during this break.

The next morning, after breakfast we wanted to take a bike ride around the island. Unfortunately there weren't enough bikes available so we decided to play Sumo table tennis while we waited for more bikes to come back. Tona and I started and she cockily announced "You know we have a table tennis table at home, right?" I think she thought that she was going to crush me, but she soon realised she had spoken too soon as I demoralised her with my blistering skill, to the point that she gave up and passed the bat onto Mal, hanging her head in shame. I think I saw a tear rolling down her face as she sat down.

I then proceeded to show Mal how to play and again exacted a crushing defeat, laying waste to his best attempts at strategy.

That evening Tona had booked a beach party to celebrate her 50th birthday. The staff setup a beautiful table on the beach, surrounded by palm trees. Unfortunately the weather had other ideas and the rain came in before we started. It was all OK though because they moved us to the exclusive restaurant with a view over the island and beach. We were lucky because there was no one else in the restaurant, so we fired up our party mix on the Bluetooth speaker and danced around the restaurant. The meal was magnificent, and we all had a great night. The weather cleared up after dinner so we headed back down to the beach and finished the night with cocktails on the beach.