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It was an early start for CSI Essex and me as we had some serious driving to take on as we were going to Monument valley Utah. The only way to start of a day like this was to the sounds of The New Seekers with 'I'd like to teach the world to sing', a favourite of mine, and a pit stop to the local Injun outpost for a freshly brewed coffee and muffin.
On entering this outpost, which was actually opposite a Shell petrol station, we encountered a huge Native American with what had to be the biggest head I have ever seen in my life. Aden was keen to get a picture with his wide angle lens but I suggested we should just get our coffee and muffin and move on.
We were soon on the road and quickly started to drink in the scenery of massive buttes and mesas that this part of the world is famous for. After an hour or so we were getting close to the border with Utah and the valley itself so we decided to pull into a grouping of Native American souvenir and jewellery stands to get some photos and stretch the legs.
Whilst we were unable to buy drinks we were able to enjoy some banter with the locals, much of it focused on how similar the scenery was in Essex and that the price of a pint of milk was about the same. We may have actually been the first straight Englishmen that these potentially aggressive store holders had met and the Brickster and I felt proud that we had played out our ambassadorial duties to the mother country with aplomb.
We soon turned into the Navajo Nation Park and Monument Valley where we immediately parked on a newly tarmaced surface for a toilet break. The views were stunning and again our respective cameras were doing their best to capture the moment in order that we could change them via Photoshop software at a later date.
It was also tremendously hot again, 115 degrees weather fans, and so we headed into the vast souvenir shop where they stocked numerous fridge magnets and mugs. In the far corner of the shop I noticed Mark Knopfler, sans sweatband, from the hit combo Dire Straits who had the massive eighties record 'Money for Nothing' and he was rifling though the 'Wild animals of Monument Valley' calendars. I strode over and introduced myself asking him what he was doing in Monument valley. He said that he was a keen wildlife photographer and that he was looking for inspiration for some desert animal photography as he had paid to go on a course the next day.
Brick, A(ret) and I both offered up some tripod and lens gems of advice and quickly asked him if he could take a quick photo of mer colleague and I as we had a schedule to keep to. He duly obliged and wanted to know more about our journey and where it was ending. We exchanged details promising to keep in touch and I quipped that this would be the ideal day to wear a McEnroe style headband to which the 'Knopff' sagely nodded before we headed back to our vehicle for the valley floor drive.
My turn with the steering wheel and Mer colleeges turn for the iPod and he did us both proud with the selection of Sailor's 'Glass of Champagne' as I churned up the desert rock with our front wheel drive 135 bhp monster of an SUV and headed to the valley floor.
Our information leaflet identified 10 different photo opportunities and we were keen to nab them all but the same information had failed to say how bloody uneven the surface at the bottom was with Essex Police representative Brick having to reset his newly acquired centre parting several times. Lurching from left to right, front to back, even diagonally, he struggled to get a grip on his coiffure but this driver was determined to soldier on with getting to our first photo stop.
Stunning scenery again was only spoilt by other people also being there, in particular an arse who decided that it was funny to block us in whilst he took what would ultimately be crap photos with his iPad. This happened several times on the Monument Valley photo trail, with us blocking him in at the next point and then him returning the favour. He had the advantage in that he was just using the iPad to point and shoot whereas this writer and Ade were using full tripod equipped equipment which needed a discussion on light readings before each shot.
At the last photo point the arse had blocked us in again and as he pulled away mer colleege had a crisis of confidence when he exclaimed that he couldn't find his lens cap. We were going to lose this race unless we could locate said cap in double quick time and just as I had given up all hope Ade found it in his pocket. We were off to catch up with the Arse and we had an uphill (Oo err matron) 2 miles to catch him in. With less than a mile to go we had caught up and by this time Brickys hair was tumbleweed stylie, but he didn't care, as all he and I wanted to do was beat the Arse.
We suddenly realised the the Arse wasn't driving, his wife was, and Aden came up with a wizard plan that he had learnt from his previous employer that ' always caught out the women'. Attaching his flash accessory to his camera he let rip with two quick flashes. The Arse car immediately slowed believing the source to be a speed camera allowing me to undertake. However I encountered deep sand and could feel the wheels slew sidewards. PC Brick quickly reclined his seat moving the centre of gravity back, the wheels bit into the surface and we edged past the Arse reaching the Exit of the valley floor trail first.
Celebrations were in order and we both opened new bottles of water as the defeated Arse trundled past.
Having calmed down we headed back in the direction of Chinle, this time to a slightly different soundtrack, Queen's 'We are the Champions' being one I seem to remember, and a slightly different view as we were going back the opposite way. Although I reminded mer colleague that by using the rear view mirror for me it was the same.
We didn't stop at Chinle, instead choosing to make good our escape from a potential scalping by heading(Oh yes!) for Gallup New Mexico and a Travelodge. Once checked in, we showered changed and headed off for the Badlands Steak and Grill House where we met Mary Beth who was 58 and 'would be our server for the evening'. After getting our order wrong several times we decided to roll with it and filed our stomachs with some prime rib steak. A few beers quenched and we headed back to our five star accommodation, including hairdryer (to the relief of Ade), and looked forward to the next days adventure.
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