Breakfast in America

You may, hopefully, get the impression that Angela and I are enjoying ourselves when you read our blogs and look at our pictures.

There are times however when enjoyment is probably the wrong word. That particularly applies when we walk in to a diner for that traditional American ritual, breakfast. The food is not the problem, apart from the sheer quantity you are given; it is the ordering process that daunts us.

The British are not used to facing cheerful chatty waiting staff early in the morning, come to think of it we are not used to friendly and helpful waiting staff at all. To be greeted on arrival, handed a menu and shown to a table by someone that not only knows what they are doing but also understands the finite detail of every part of the menu is a rare experience for Brits.

We usually expect to slink in unnoticed to a table covered in plates and debris from the last 3 waves of customers, do a bit of clearing by piling it on to the nearest vacant table, find our own menus and work out from the biro scrawl as to what if anything is still edible that day. We then like to sit apologetically and ignored for eternity, our bodies swaying like sea anemones in a tidal zone each time the waiter gets within 20 feet of us, our necks craning upwards as though another 2 inches of height will make any difference to his apparent left and right side temporary blindness!

After a suitably decent length of time, usually 20-30 minutes, we leave the restaurant in a huff, head shaking and tutting and vowing never to come again and feeling better that we've made our point, if only anyone had noticed we were even there!

With this background experience it is understandable perhaps that we approach an American diner with trepidation! Yes we are having a great day, even though it has only just started, no we are not from Australia and yes we are tourists. The first hurdle are the drinks, my coffee is the easy bit but for some reason, despite 18 years of visiting America, Angela still tries to order a cup of tea. Would you like it hot or iced, with lemon, with milk (hot or cold) and do you want Orange Pekoe, Jasmine and Lavender, Ricotta and Pineapple, Elderberry and Skunk Gland or Cherry Bubblegum flavour? You want English breakfast tea? Nope, not heard of that one.

Then comes the tricky bit, the food order. The fried eggs are the first hurdle, how do you want them cooked, soft, easy, over easy, sunny side up, flipped twice? I usually say yes to all those options just to cover all angles and it invariably gets a laugh, I've no idea why! Skipping past the choice of bacon you then get the sausage quiz, do you want pork, New York beef or chicken pork (seriously!)? Easy you think but then comes another round of multi choices, links, patties or rings? Am I the only person in America at the moment that thinks Pattie Sausage is a Country & Western singer?

OK so that is surely it but no, we are only halfway through. The hash browns or country fired potatoes question is easy and lulls you in to a false sense of security before the Big One……..biscuit, toast, bagel or English muffin. Hah, we English are not stupid, we have enough US TV imports to know that biscuits are cookies in America! Yes they are but not at breakfast time, at breakfast time biscuits are scones. Easy one in the end then, who in their right mind would eat a scone, bagel or muffin for breakfast? (most Americans apparently!)

Wait for it though, another multi choice is coming, what toast would you like, French, white, wheatmeal, wholemeal, rye or corn. I'm starving now so go for the white toast, that should be it? If only it were so easy, do we want churned, sweet or sour cream butter? The end is in sight, we've made it, Angela will order the identical meal to save ten minutes interrogation, we are there………almost! Would we like some pancakes with it, compliments of the house? If it's free then the British will say yes and we do. Oh good, chance for a few more questions then, how many each and do you want lemon or maple syrup or both, sweet cream or sour cream? Go for the maple syrup Ralph, you're going to be sick anyway and we are!

For the sake of brevity I have dropped several of the questions, we still have no idea what "Grits" are but we certainly don't like the sound of them and there is no reason on earth that would get me to put gravy on my biscuits! Despite all of the above, breakfast is a genuine home cooked meal in America, our favourite of the day and something they do far better than us. Just don't get me talking about lunch and dinner!

Plan B from Seattle turned out to be a trip to Yakima, the wine region of Washington State, where we sat out the 4th of July festivities in a small town called Toppenish (the local tribe name), famous for over 90 murals on the walls of the historic downtown area. The promised rodeo had been cancelled though we enjoyed the parade of vehicles and rodeo beauty queens, and admired the horsemanship of a Mexican "posse". Just like back home, public holidays mean one thing, lousy weather and despite being in a semi desert rain shadow west of the Cascade Mountains, it rained on the parade!

Apart from that one day of bad weather the rest of the trip has been blessed with hot and sunny conditions, too hot for walking really but we are not complaining. Our next stop was the sleepy mountain town of Packwood, an ideal base to explore the glacial grandeur of Mt Rainier National Park. We have never been disappointed with a US national park, and this one is no exception, a stunning 14,500 ft dormant volcano, part of the Cascades range on the Pacific rim, caused by the same plate tectonics that gives San Francisco the jitters.

Thanks to an incredible amount of snow last winter (84 feet at the Paradise Visitor Centre) spring came late to the park so Angela & I enjoyed our first experience of snowfield walks. Where the snow had melted in the alpine meadows we were treated to a stunning vista of wild flowers. Wildlife watching proved more difficult, ironically our best site of elk was outside our cabin in Packwood as a herd walked past our BBQ one night (notice how the braais have become BBQs again!).

After 7 days walking the park we reluctantly left and headed south through the Gifford Pinchot National Forest to a volcano I've been desperate to visit ever since I watched it erupt on TV in 1980, but that's for another blog.