"Here Ralph, come here Ralph you naughty boy, heel, tummy rubs, good boy"

Sadly it's not every day of the week that a tall blonde woman dressed in riding gear and flicking a whip in one hand addresses you in the language above so you can forgive me for being slightly slow off the mark in response. My momentary hesitation allowed my namesake, a 4 legged canine cross between a dingo and a Chihuahua to get in ahead of me for the promised attention. Oh well, maybe next time?

You may be wondering what I was doing around women in riding gear, in fact you may be wondering why the world famous Spilsbury Blog is up and running again?

I can easily answer the first question. Last June my charming wife Angela, having found a house cleaning job on a farm, kindly volunteered me for the vacant post of farm labourer.

Now work has never been my favourite pastime (Editor's Note, we figured that out ages ago Ralph). After thirty or so years of trying it I've decided I'm actually allergic to work! How else do you explain the onset of chronic backache, heatstroke and trigger finger in both hands?

Of course working as a farm labourer was probably not the best career choice for someone with a brain the size of Neptune (Editor's Note: he is talking about himself here in case you were puzzled)

So having spent one of the hottest and sunniest summers for years doing heavy manual labour what have I learnt?

1) Shovels and spades are NOT the same

2) If there is one thing that smells worse than horsesh*t it is horsep*ss

3) Wherever there are horses there are women in tight fitting riding gear

4) The third point above does not necessarily compensate for the second point above

5)) Holding a 2 metre fence post whilst the tractor pile driver attachment hammers it in to the ground certainly concentrates the mind

6) Following on from (5) above, it is better to drive the tractor than stand at the back and get showered in gear oil

7) Wasps do not like to have their nests erased by an industrial strimmer

Of course there were highlights of working outdoors. Ummm, ah, um, let me think?? Ah yes, the insect bites, the nasal clearing vapour of creosote (banned for use by the general public but still available for farms), the rats, the strimmer blade catching on loose barbed wire and the sheer joy of drainage channel mud clearance!

As you can imagine there has hardly been a moment this summer where I didn't thank my loving wife for getting me the job! Angela's housecleaning work has been a learning curve as well; never work for chain smoking dog lovers (no Steve, the dogs were not chain smokers) and only clean bungalows, cleaning equipment and staircases do not mix well.

So to answer the second question, why the blog again after a two year break? It's because we are going back to Africa.

Those of you with extremely good memories will be slightly puzzled as you will recall that in our last blog we were somewhere in Europe in a motorhome. Events of the intervening two years have remained unreported. "Shame", "what a pity" I hear you cry (Editor's note: "what a relief" is the phrase you are searching for Ralph).

Since you insist, here is a brief resume of the last two years. We returned from our Euro trek, sold our house in Reading, bought a bungalow in Dorset, sold the motorhome, started work again, had sextuplets, scaled Mt Everest without oxygen and won the Nobel Prize for peace. OK so some of that was made up but as you have already read the work bit has been genuine.

So why are we off to Africa now?

Firstly we need to sort out our Landrover, which has been gently decaying in a farm barn in South Africa for the last three and a half years. We have to decide whether to spend money repairing it or whether we sell it and buy something less addicted to petrol. Mindful that the vehicle could be a perfect nesting ground for cape cobras, boomslangs and mambas I will of course be on standby with the machete when Angela crawls underneath to check!

Secondly we are not getting any younger (but Ralph, you are still in your 30s I hear you all insist) so there will come a time when sleeping on car roofs with a thin bit of canvas between us and 6000 kilos of pachyderm may not carry the same appeal. (Strangely enough, elephants have never been Angela's favourite mammals and on the next trip I am under orders to avoid them wherever possible).

Thirdly I predict that over the next 6 months Britain will experience a severe and persistent depression that will result in dangerous winds, an endless onslaught of hot and cold air and the potential for structural damage to the ears and brain.

This is not a weather forecast, just Britain gearing up for a General Election in May 2015.

Unable to contain our excitement at the prospect of watching Mr Nice but Dim, Mr Nasty but Dim, Mr Clueless but Dim, Mr Drunk but Dim and Mr Dimmer than Dim lie and bribe their way to election success we decided now was a good time to depart these shores and meet the animals again (Editor's Note: That's no way to talk about your friends in Southern Africa).

Assuming we sell and replace the Landrover in reasonable time, or keep it and repair it, we are aiming to get up to Zimbabwe and Zambia and the Caprivi Strip in Namibia. This is a short trip by our standards, returning to England in mid April 2015. Five months is barely enough time for us to get the tent up and the gin and tonics on the table!

Should any of you wish to join us for part of the trip please get in contact, even if you are without a vehicle we have 5 seats and a spare trailer tent (nearer to the ground and the lions than the car roof tent but at least you don't have to pack it away before going on a game drive!) If you have your own vehicle feel free to join us, we have no idea how reliable our next 4x4 will be so we may need a tow!

So we are off!

Very belated thanks to all our European friends who made us welcome in their countries, to our South African friends who made the special effort to meet up with us in Germany, to our British friends who weren't able to pretend they were out when we knocked on their doors, to Angela's Mum and my Dad for their continued support and generosity and to you for reading to the end of this blog without de-linking your email address from Off Exploring (Editor's Note: It's not too late!)