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Good day to everyone.
Once again I have not updated my blog for ages and I have much to tell. Too bloody much so unfortunately I will have to skim over some things. Our phone books job in Townsville went very well and we made a few bucks. I had a minor run in with a Mastiff that ended with me running down someone's drive with my sunies flying off my head and phonebooks up in the air. I hit the deck pretty hard and smashed my shoulder up but thankfully the mutt decided his job was done and didn't maul me to death but barked a little more and b*****ed off. Australia dogs are generally big, agressive and undertrained. They became our mortal enemy. Morgan was almost eaten by two little white terriers, only a swipe with his phonebook and an ungracious leap over a fence saved him.
After delivering almost 5000 phonebooks between us we had to make a beeline for Brisbane. One Olivia Allen was arriving in 2 days and we had 1500+ kilometers to cover in a van that can't do over 80 kpm. Big ask. needless to say we nailed it. We stopped off midway in Rockhampton. There's not an awful lot there. Peter's top travel tip when your in Oz, give it a miss. So the next day we hammered our way down to Brisbane and arrived in time to scoop Livvers up from the airport. We picked her up at about 7am and we were on the beers by midday. It was the eve of her birthday and she had just arrived so we had a good excuse and we got pretty mwe awoke,essy. She has been here 1 day and already leading two upstanding chaps a stray. We went out that evening to a backpackers bar called Down Under. They were doing a team competition throughout the night with various different challenges, we joined three lovely young Australian fillies to make a team of 6. What was the first event I hear you call. A four man boat race. All the teams were entering 3 boys and 1 girl as there must be at least one girl in the team. Because we only had 2 boys our team consisted of Livvers, one of the Aussie girls, Morgs and Myself. They were only half pints but the last person had to sink a pint through a straw. I put my hand up and accepted the daunting responsibility. We turned to face our opponents. Three burly Aussie chaps and a strong looking girl. I could see them already sneering at our line up, 2 little pommies and a couple of tiny girls. The starter gun fired, our Aussie girl began and so did theirs, they finish and it is neck and neck. Liv lifts her glass as the opponent does the same, I could smell their nonchalant confidence, the crowd are screaming, the pressure is on Liv! She takes a sip and... it's gone, she's only bloody nailed it!!! Morgs is up, the oppo are rocked, their next man is struggling and morgs has stuck his away with gusto. And now it falls to me, it's do or die, sink or swim. I glance across quickly, they are behind, COME ON SPITS! I drink in through the straw, it's cold and difficult to get any speed, almost there, the old head is swimming, don't buckle now! My oppo is catching, he's quick, it's going down to the wire, it's going to be close! I've got it down, the pint goes on the head and I look across... they haven't finished! It 's a win!!! We jump off the stage into the crowd, I seem to remember someone lifting Liv up! It's madness, "OH UEA..." is struck up in a chant. Ecstacy.
The following day is Liv's birthday, her kind father bought her a few nights in a hotel room and she let us crash with her so we had a nice morning breakfast and gave her some pressies. We then hit the pub. We did it all again, this time at Down Under there was a male stripper as it was ladies night. Liv was called up to the stage as birthday girl (Morgs' doing) but gracefully refused. From there my memory is a little hazey but needless to say we had a good night.
The next day we met Andy's cousin Kim and she let us park our van on her drive. we watched Australian Farmer Wants A Wife (just about the best programme on TV anywhere in the world, FACT) and chilled with her and her housemate Anna. We spent a few nights with them doing much the same and had a nice relaxing time recovering from liv's big arrival. We then headed out to see my Uncle Howard and Aunty Marie. Unfortunately they were busy that evening so we only saw them for a few hours and then they were off out but they let us stay at theirs and gave us beers and meat for the barbie. We settled down in the yard and drank and ate and put the world to rights until 6 am. The next day we saw a bit of Howard and marie and then headed off. We headed back and saw Kim and Anna who told us to go up to Kin Kin, a tiny village in the country near Noosa. Andy has cousins there who were away and said we could use their house. it was like a relaxing country retreat, they had a beautiful home and we relaxed. watched the tele, toured the beautiful, lush countryside and in the evening as the sun went down we sat on the balcony and open a box of Goon (5 Litre box of white wine for ten bucks) and played a civilised game of F**k The Dealer. Basically we got very messy.
After Kin Kin we headed to Tin Can Bay, we didn't mean to but as we were driving off north we heard on the radio that there was a seafood festival in Tin Can Bay. The van gives us the freedom to see these thing that otherwise we wouldn't get the chance. We drove in and quickly found the festival, lot's of tents and music and all that biz. We had a wander, lot's going on etc etc. We found our spot and nestled down in the XXXX tent and had a few schooners of Gold. At the time Morgan was telling us a lively little anecdote about frog racing in Queensland when he was a little chap. A circular mat, a bucket full of frog in the centre, the first from the centre to m ake it out of the circle wins. All very simple. As he was speaking a chap put down just a mat and appeared with a bucket. This was too good to be true. We meander oer and discover it is not frogs but redclaw racing. Redclar are basically big prawns with claws. There are 10 redclaw up for auction and the proceeds go to the kids. Very worthy. the auction began and we acquired a little redclaw named Hannah Montana for the nifty price of 18 bucks. The prize is a a couple of nights on Fraser Island, our next planned stop. We were pretty confident we had purchased a real thoroughbred, she was definitely going to come home for us. The bucket was lifted up and the race began! Sort of. For 15 minutes not a single redclaw moved. Water was poured on them and horns hooted but nothing. Then after I began to think they were all dead number 7 makes a break. He drags himself across the line as a clear winner, it's not Hannah. we curse but second place and a dinner voucher is up for grabs. Come on Hannah! To cut a long story short there is a photo finish between two redclaw, neither of which happen to be Miley Cirus's alterego. The old bird didn't even move. we had purchased a dud. But we did get a certificate which sits proudly in our van.
That evening we went to the only pub in Tin Can Bay and watched the AFL final. It ended in a draw and was to be replayed a week later. Very strange. but we had a few drinks and decided to head out into the night. We had dinner and goon in our van across the road from the pub and then headed back for a little evening in the local. We soon got chatting to a chap who invited us to a house party. He gave us directions and we headed out. When we arrived we were given a warm reception and had drinks thrust into our hands. We were a bit of a hit if I am honest, they didn't get many cool, pommie travellers from the bight lights of London and Brighton around their way very often so we were well looked after. I began to become suspiscious that something was slightly astray however and upon inquiring the age of most of the party goers it soon bacame obvious we were older than most there by a good six or seven years. We were at a teenieboppers party! Social suicide! The night ended with us making off with a few drinks and one of the older brothers and his mates to have a few back at the van.
The next day we spent at rainbow beach in the sun and we saw a pod of Sperm Whales go past. That evening we headed to Hervey Bay. From Hervey Bay we caught a ferry over to Fraser Island. We had a bit of a touch here because Morgan's cousin works for a resort and she sorted us with a freebie day trip. We went over, had a few cakes on arrival, had a bushtucker walk and dinner all on the house. Massive success. We also spent a few hours in the resort hot tub and came out wrinkled to death and looking like a dried prune.
From here we headed back south to Brisbane, we wanted to go back because we never got to go out in The Valley, Brisbane's premier night spot. We had some predrinks with Kim and got thoroughly merry and headed out into the night. If I am honest, we overdid it with the predrinks and I don't remember much, it was rather chaotic. Liv and I lost the rest of the gang and ended up looking for a taxi. We finally got hold of one and jumped in, "G'day, where to mate?" I was asked. I won't lie, we were both severly inebriated and I hadn't a clue where Kim lived, and thus no idea where the van was parked. I had been told the address but in the throws of intoxication I had utterly forgotten it. "I don't know where to, just head up here." After a long time driving around Liv and I racked up a fare of 50 bucks and were thrown out of the cab. Thankfully a nice taxi driver picked us up, we told her our situation and she got us home free of charge. I still don't know how, but i think "It's near a KFC!" helped her navigate us through the night. It transpired Morgan had also got lost and hitchhicked back. His drivers, they gleefully informed him, had been scouring the city for cocaine but had to settle for speed. But they got him back for nothing but couple of cigarettes. The next morning we awoke and sat in Kim's living room all day watching box sets of Entourage we purchased in Bali. It was the perfect hangover day. There were brownies and coca cola. Now this doesn't bring us up to date but I am currently in Byron Bay and the sun is out and the beach is calling so I simply cannot waste any more time on you all. I must go and sun myself. I will write up more soon. x
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