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Hello,
Disaster. Crisis. Tragedy. Call the Cops. Gather up your children and lock the doors.
Reading FC have lost a game (33 and out). You know who you are that were present in the UK when this happened. I've met some Triad friends out here and they now know who you are too. Sadly the life of riley must continue. So here is the customary boast list...
After a month time stops going by quite so quickly and I am settled in to the complete absence of routine and structure as a passable way of life (sadly my subconscious is not - see the bit about dreams later). In the last Two and half weeks I traveled south to the tropical islnd of Ko Samui. Beach, beer and sleep for a week. Not clever but someone had to do it and I didn't see anyone else with their hand up (well, that's not strictly accurate). A Jeckyl and Hyde existence. Sun tanning/burning by day and Chang by night (I now learn that it's 6.4% vol is a minimum. There are no control standards!). The weeks waiting was for the Ko Pagn Ngan Full Moon party. Apocalypse Now on a beech. It's only a matter of time before certain unnamed events of that night become part of my descent in to a mental asylum somewhere near Kuala Lumpur. For want of sanity I moved in land to a rain forest jungle (called Khao Sok) for a couple of days. Looking for recuperation and sanity I got in return man flu, leaches (there's one off the tick list) and jungle treks led by a dude who insisted on calling himself Tiger Man. It's fair to say healthy and safety are dirty words here (so is crevice...). Did you know mangrove swamps look like the tree creatures out of Lord of the Rings? (and did you care?). Have also seen an island meant to be in The Man with The Golden Gun. Again, I feel is if my experiences in Thailand are morphing me in to Alan Partridege. The sweat soaked t-shirt and I have now landed in Phuket.
Thailand's a funny place. Every time a walk down the straight, get off a bus or out of a restaurant there is unfailingly someone there trying to offer me some million dollar gems once worn by Tom Jones or something. But at the same time everything is so cheap. Curry, rice and beer = 1.60 pounds, accommodation 2.50 and a 50 mile bus journey 75p.
Ok so, I'm feeling pretty smug now as I'm still alive and I can still remember where I've buried the secret treasure. So here are five things that were in the brochure that came true..
Food. Thai curry's and rice are great but I just really, really want some familiar food. Pizza, Shepherds Pie, The Toad (in the hole), Fish and Chips. Last night I gave in and smashed the budget on a large pizza.
Bad nights sleep.Especially on overnight buses when the g*t behind you won't stop talking. All his jokes end with "gaylord" or "bellend". I found it funny for the irony briefly...indeed I did find it funny....WHEN I WAS 10!
Unwell.
Chasing scuttling lesser liked members of the animal kingdom around your bedroom.
Washing. In a bid to engage in the great scam that is the "real travelling" experience and to save money I am washing my own clothes. I can tell you exclusively that washing your own pants is a humbling experience (perhaps more so when you have to wear them still wet because they're the only clean clothes!).
Five that weren't in the brochure
Most vehicles, and especially large coaches, when going down blind corners on hills will take the racing line.
A Thai man at the bus station who could do an impression of Ali G.
Leaches
Lack of English newspapers. This is bad.
Rain on a beach paradise. For two days solid up till the night of Full Moon it was monsoon. Happy now?
One last thing. My mind is trying frantically to fill the gaps left by work and TV. It has turned to surreal dream overload. I shall share these with you as it will ease my troubled mind and might make you laugh (at me). I have a recurring (4 at the last count) dream about going home to do two or three days temping at IRI before flying out again. Incidentally it was a dress down and the theme was the army and you were all wearing army gear and some had balaclavas....aha I know why now. Rowland! (that's taken me days to figure out). Another had me in a uni nightclub catching a piece of cake that was thrown out to the crowd. Some kid wanted some and didn't give him any. He reported me to the police and I was arrested for dropping crumbs and had to pick them up the next day. Some bizarrely had made their way to WH Smith. But my personal favourite is that Preston North End were in the European cup final and their manager was Craig Charles (assisted Lawrie Mcmenamie). (Incidentally I also dreamt the defeats to Luton and the next game at Preston...).
That's it. Apart from there are new pictures on the site (http://www.statraveljournals.com/mrpaulmullens). Not well filtered I'm afraid so wade through them for Business Writing Skills and other "attempts" at humour on my part.
Paul
IF A SEVEN YEAR OLD KID CHALLENGES YOU TO A GAME OF CONNECT FOUR, FOR MONEY, DO NOT ACCEPT.
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