You know you're in Central Vietnam when...
you're having a pedicure, take your feet out of the bowl of water, and the local dogs come to drink it. See picture.
a three hour bus journey actually takes six and a half hours.
a bracelet-selling six year old calls you a 'f***ing' ladyboy' when you refuse to buy his old tat.
his younger sister then tells you "man, you need a shave. Want to buy a razor?"
even the poorest family's home you stay in, where the kids sleep out on the porch with no bed clothes, still has a karaoke machine.
you somehow have to make it work between you when the toilet in your small hostel room has a glass door and glass walls.
you manage to pay 15,000 Dong for a moped ride across town when the first tourist price offered is 120,000.
travel agents also seem to be able to haggle on how far away a location is, not just the price.
your 40-bed overnight sleeping bus overtakes a speeding ambulance on a single track road.
after taking a 24-hour hard sleeper train, you're still in Central Vietnam.
when you get off the tiny plastic chair after drinking Bia Hoi on the street with the locals for 35p a glass, the chair is wedged on your bottom.
your jungle trek guide is called Mr Mountain because he was born, well, near a mountain.
being the victim of five leeches and over 30 mosquitoes is considered lucky. Even when they're on the sole of your foot.
you've finished your two day jungle trek and you're the thing that - for the first time - stinks the most on a public bus.
you both eat so much goat for lunch that your 'vintage' motorbike can't get up the hill and one of you has to get off and walk, much to the delight of the locals.
after two hours of lessons and hundreds of practice attempts, you still can't pronounce 'cam on' (thank you) properly.
you keep thinking you're seeing Michael Jackson because the local women wear face masks and gloves 24/7.
your 1.30 bus leaves at 4.30 and the bus director considers it a successful day at the office.
you can get two beautiful silk dresses made in 24 hours for less than twenty bucks.
when you see (and we honestly haven't made these up) a tailor's shop called Tu Long, a beauty salon called Mingh In, a wedding dress shop called Noh Bich!, a bar called Noh Ho, a restaurant called Dung's, and a hotel called Phuc Mi.