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When times are getting tough, I must always remember to remind myself of the girl who shared a lift with Moses and I...
Mid conversation was quickly interrupted by the sight of this little ham planet girl, wearing a cat onesie, holding on to her teddy bear IPhone. She looked like a Care Bear who'd tucked into too many Kettle chips. I couldn't contain my giggle. Bite your lip moment indeed.
"How did we spend 30hours on a train?" I hear you ask... Well folks I'll tell you...
UNCOMFORTABLE HOURS OF SLEEP INTERVALS.
Oh how I loved waking up with a clicking neck, and the tightest hamstrings known to man.
We decided to buy each other train pressies... No more than $15. To try and make the train journey more entertaining. I bought Moses a book, 'The Beach' and some choccies... I was telling him about the film (bloody good film - GO ON DICAPRIO!!), and thought he'd enjoy reading the book... Bad idea. The book has inspired Moses a new mission... GET BAKED ON A TROPICAL ISLAND.
Sorry Alison & Ivan, my bad.
Moses, kindly bought me a DIY friendship bracelet making set, and thumb head prints (you print your thumb then draw little faces on your thumb print). I tried making a bracelet on board... I then felt sick. Trying to weave coloured threads, whilst in motion... Is like having a worm stuck in your goggles whilst trying to swim. Muzzled my eyes up like a mole it did.
Spent the last night in Cairns pissing about with a group of British & Swedish wallies... Visited Gilligans, this huge crazy hostel party bar place nearby. They put on these little events. The time before when I was there, they had a Wet T-shirt competition... My Swedish friend, Trondor (who looks like Jesus) kept egging me on to get up there... Was dead tempted, as the prize was a free bungy jump and $150 cash. Handy?!! But then I spotted the girls who I'd be up against... MELONS. The boobies on these lasses were incredible... Then I glanced down at my sorry pair of pancakes... No. I'd have to pull something magic out the bag to win this... And when I say 'magic' I actually mean, full on strip naked to win. Nah, I'd already done a bungy jump, and I already had $150 (just about). So with a heavy heart... I watched 9 girlies get drenched in water, wiggle their bums and dry hump mid air. I've had better nights. Was interesting watching the men react to some performances. Seems they don't like chubby girls?!
Some Aussie bird wasn't getting the reaction she wanted from the crowd, so thought "f*** it." And with that, she turned her t-shirt into a waist jacket! Opened it up like a book! I SAW SO MUCH BOOB. Quite an impressive trick. She was my favourite.
Anyway the next time I went, (with the Swedish & English possy), they had some 'Gladiator' style knock out competition, using a bouncy platform and giant cotton bud. Was good fun. The beefy girl smashed it! Knocked out this clumsy, PVC tart into oblivion.
Was a good night. Got back just in time to have a 45minute kip, before getting ready for our 6.15am train journey. Plan was to be so tired, I'd just fall asleep on the train. I was being optimistic about how comfy the train would be. So that wasn't amazingly fun. Sleeps lasted for an hour or two before getting woken up by a train shudder or this stupid Aussie mare who kept either moaning about not being able to sleep, "where are the plug sockets for my breathing equipment??" Or "Do you guys want any food?"... talking to the poor mites who were travelling with her.
I was convinced they were brother and sister... She was sharing yoghurt with her mum (at least, think it was her mum?). I watched for a good 10seconds these chubby red heads feed each other yoghurt. 10seconds, which have scarred me for life. Milky goods. Don't share your milky goods. Unless of course, it's with a saucy partner, who you're sharing ice cream with. That's justifiable. And then there was this other kid, bless his heart. The kiddies looked around 16-17, I reckon. The boy reminded me of Ludo from Pan's Labyrinth... And the girl was a mixture between Ludo and the red head mum. They sat next to each other... Apparently they were rubbing each other's hips as they leant over each other to grab packets of food... Which could be an indication that they are NOT brother and sister. My theory stands, they are incest.
I felt like Sherlock, trying to work it out.
We finally made it. I read some Wolf of Wall Street, which has inspired me to find a rich man... Which means, I either need a cracking pair of legs, or become a hooker, named Venice. So I may as well shake that provocative idea straight out my head.
It did take us a few minutes to figure out we'd actually stopped at Brisbane. There were no signs, and no announcement was made... Everyone just shuffled about for their bags. Me and Mo sideways glance...
"Are we here?"
"I don't know"
We were forced to speak to the INCESTS. They confirmed it.
30hours washed away with warm water, warm pumpkin salad, and achey joints. Sounds just like a biddy home doesn't it?
Now that we're in Brisbane... We would very much like to leave asap. It's an alright city, don't get me wrong! Full of these huge fancy skyscrapers, posh Louis Vuitton, Tag Heuer, Gucci shops. I found a relatively cheap gym to sweat out my train flu. There's a man made beach, which is pretty impressive... And the Sunday market wasn't too shabby either.
But it's missing something... Surfers? And BBQ'S! And kangaroos! And zoos! We're planning on heading to the Gold Coast next... Sounds like its a bit of fun there! Rather than waste our money entertaining ourselves with over priced clothes, strip clubs and food. That was the other thing! The fudging gym is right BANG! Beside the strip club... Never walked so fast out of a doorway, hoping that no one assumes I'm a daytime stripper. That would be the worst, wouldn't it? Bad enough getting all the slimeballs in at night, watching you wiggle... But a daytime stripper? Think of the breed of people coming in for some booty, sweat fun at 2 in the afternoon? Mmm...
We've had a couple of good nights. Got on the boozies... Rid ourselves from that last bottle of Jim Beam, once and for all! Which you shouldn't really drink alongside vino, apparently? I found this out when I woke up with a throbbing hangover, and my immune system shot to pieces.
Went out for some grub. Moses had the biggest beef Vinadloo curry, and I had a delicate duck salad... Oh how feminine!
Gladiator film night in the hostel last night! One of the best films ever made surely?
I've also learnt, whilst being on this trip... My hearing is getting worse. I hope I don't have to get a big plastic hearing aid... Ruin my street cred.
Quote of the Day
Dude giving out papers "Newspaper?!"
Me "New Skate Park?"
Moses "f***ing hell..."
Charity Fund Raising Guys Incident...(most people try their hardest to avoid the fund raisers in the street... We ended up bothering them. Should probably get a job)
"We should go. We're stopping you from saving babies!"
"Yes you should."
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