Profile
Blog
Photos
Videos
Sitting at the coast of the Mediterranean Sea in Istanbul . Amazing! Having my decaf coffee and bagel sandwich. So beautiful! I'm so at peace right now. At least for now I can enjoy this moment and not think or worry about my future. I've been stressing about it and I know I need to let that go. Things will work out because, well, they always do or I just figure that stuff out. No one can take this moment away from me. It's just me. Me and only me. Right now I am with me and my environment. That is all I have to even think about. No attachments. No one to rely on. No one to blame. No one that is relying on me. In this moment I am totally free. Totally me. Totally open. More open than I could have ever even imagined. I know and realize deeply that part of my journey has it's lows and hard times. Nothing comes easy. I have cried on many occasions questioning my future or doubting my decisions. But I Always push through them and never stop nor do I give up. I have had the hardest time forgiving myself for my past choses. For the people I have allowed in my life. For not loving myself enough. For not holding my life to her highest regards. But now that I have woken up, it's absolutely impossible to go back to that life. I only wish I had been living this life much sooner. But I have to learn to let go and see that for whatever reason I had to go through what I had to go through to be where I am today. There are no mistakes. And if you can recognize that and fully feel that wholly in your heart then you can truly live your truth, your life with a fully open heart and a truly open mind. I used to think there were coincidences. But I don't believe in coincidences anymore. Those "coincidences" we find are merely signs to guide you. To let you know that you're either walking your truth or you're not. You know that feeling you have when you feel like something is just not right? That's the feeling of not being fully aligned with what you truly want to be doing/living. Looking back I now realize how many of those "coincidences" were there but I was asleep. I wasn't ready to recognize them for what they truly were. When you are ready, the whole world is in your hands. Most people never have the pleasure of waking up. And it's not any fault of their own. We are all part of this society. Of our concepts that have been ingrained in us. Effected by our environments and fellow beings. But if you can detach from that and truly listen to your heart, that thing we call intuition, then you can truly begin to live your life completely and totally align yourself the way you were honestly meant to. And it's a f***ing beautiful thing. I can never go back to the girl I was a year ago. Or even 6 months ago. And because of that I know there will be fewer people in my life. But the few I will keep around me are the ones who live their lives in this way and who inspire me back. I will always have compassion for everyone and an understanding that is deep because I was once there too. Letting go is hard. Very hard. But can you imagine what that does for your spirit? Letting go of all your fears. Of all the bs in your life. The bad boyfriend/girlfriend that you know isn't exactly right for you but you stay bc it's comfortable. Or the job you go to on a daily simply for that paycheck. Or those so called friends who tell you they love you but behind your back are talking about you in a bad way. Or those friends who never seem to have enough time for you because their life is more important than the friendship. Imagine living a life where none of that exists. I finally can. I'm finally living it. I have no more energy to waste on bs anymore. I've wasted it enough already and I'm still trying to forgive myself for that. I have found a tranquility inside of me that I have never ever felt in my life. I have lived with so much anxiety and stress that I never knew I could find this type of calmness throughout inside of me. People don't need anxiety medicine, people need re evaluation of themselves medicine! You gotta check yourself every once in a while. This tranquility I have discovered has humbled me towards life in a way that I could never have dreamed of. I still make mistakes and will for the rest of my life because I'm human! But this time around those mistakes won't cost me my livelihood. I'm alive and I'm happy. Life is beautiful. Hermosa Vida.
- comments