I have no intention to write a blog, "blog!" sounds gay.
With Elissa being so capable of writing fluent and informative stories, it was natural I would let her do it. But alas the awesome foursome doesn't spend every day in each other's pockets. Cue liss "thank [email protected]*k for that"
Therefore in all my abundant wisdom, I'll write for the Odgers team, during our independent travels. (Got sweeps on how many entries I make, $5 buy it winner takes all)
Ok let's begin with the title of my first blog entry:
Under the Tuscan Heatwave
Very aptly named for a couple of reasons
Rewind to 15th July start of our italiano adventure, three days in the south of Italy. I'm a sucker for anything near the coast, it's definitely in my blood.
"Hey ben" gemma whines
"How long to you want to stay in Rome"
"Do I have to?"
"Yes you do, don't you want to see the colosseum"
"Is it near the beach?"
"Noooo, but the Italian adventure goes to the beach"
Our lovely busabout guide the ever cheerful and exuberant Ereni pronounced E ree nee, not E ran nee "GEMMA!"
Apparently a massive wind was about to blow super-heated air from the depths of Africana over to us in pizza land. Everyone secretly examines the situation in their heads.
"a/c in the bus" check
"Board shorts and thongs" check
"Swimming in the mediterranean sea" check and mate.
I wasn't till we had returned from our lovely adventuro with new found friends and suntans in tow, that we got a smack down from the roman god of spastically hot days and dry air.
A couple more days in Roma, tick and flick the Vatican City, Trevers fountain and the colosseum. We were then off to Florence via Siena. Just saying that sentence to any female should make them quiver at the knees, especially if you say it slowly and in an octave lower than normal. "Ha Ha try it"
Ok Florence, 3 nights, home of renaissance art and culture, 5th largest church in Europe, some bridge (Ponte Vecchio) and of course Michelangelo's DAVID. Oooooo rrrrrrr naked man with his penis out for everyone to see. How come when I get naked no one lines up and pays 11 euro to Google at it…… To give it credit it was and prob will be the best marble statue I have ever seen, three years to complete, the detail is unbelievable especially seeing old David is over 500 year old.
"Mark, what do reckon the movie will be on the bus to Florence?"
"Bet its Under the Tuscan Sun" says one of the girls
Mark and I stare at each other rolling our eyes
So when you hear of girls swooning over the term Tuscany, you think immediately of the corny and seemingly unrealistic movie Under the Tuscan Sun.
So this next bit was to show my romantic side, maybe prove that I'm more than a steely eyed soldier boy.
"Hey gemma, want to go on a wine tasting day tour into the heart of the Chianti wine region"
I watch as her eyes melt at the thought of wine and tapas under terracotta roofs and rolling vineyards.
"Like putty in my hands, I'll bring this up when I need a little boys only time" I think to myself
On the part of Tuscany on a budget tour company, cue 5 broken hearted girls and 1 slightly annoyed husband.
So the meeting point for the tour is the Piazza Montelugo, in the carpark for the central train station. We travel from the opposite side of town, have gemma stress balls as her impatience for anything boils to a climax and we power walk 200 metres to the destination only to be comfortably 15 minutes early.
"See gemma patience is a virtue that I WILL teach you before the trips end"
We meet 4 other girls waiting and confirm they too were suckers of romance and Hollywood tomfoolery. We wait, a Seth afri-carn girl calls the hostel where they booked the tour.
"They said the bus should be here any minute" her response was.
"The bus hasn't come yet" she enquires again
"The pickup point is now at the Piazza Adua" the tour operator states and gives as directions.
"I'll get the bus to wait till you arrive"
"Awesome thanks for the heads up" our collective sarcasm exudes
We arrive at the piazza, look around, and scratch our heads and ball sack.
"We are at Adua, where is the bus"
"The bus left half hour ago" the booking agent says
"You must have been late"
"There are six of us and we were early"
"The pickup point was changed you should have been informed"
"I booked 915am the tour starts a 945am, how could I not have been informed. Get the bus to turn around"
"Sorry it's on a strict time schedule"
"Get the tour operator to call us"
"She can't she's on the bus"
[email protected]*k 'em
An American girl takes the phone and continues on with a good ol fashion rant that only the Americans can seem to justify.
"I payed for this"
"Send me a taxi"
"Turn the bus around"
"I deserve reimbursement for my disappointment "
Gemma and I roll our eyes and shrug our shoulders
"What can you do ay………… lets get DRUNK"