Swahili Coast. Mr Nakumatt you wonderful, beautiful man. You knew that your country would one day pay host to a dairy obsessed Englishman whose cheese reserves had hit an all time low and you made damn sure you were ready. After a cheddarless month we have finally discovered the hidden gem of Kenya, Nakumatt supermarkets and their breathtaking cheese selection. We have been within spitting distance of lionesses, we have seen the incredibly rare black rhino sleeping under a baobab tree and a herd of giraffes take shelter from a flash storm, we have met countless tribesmen from across the continent and been made to feel so welcome by everyone we have met, but nothing has sent shivers down my spine and a lump to my throat like the sight of a Mini-Babybel sitting next to a Saint Agur. We have spent the past couple of weeks lazing about on the Swahili Coast of Kenya. The original plan was to drop down into Tanzania along the East coast, head across to the Serengeti before going back to Nairobi at the end of March for our flights to Madagascar. Unfortunately we managed to spank nearly 2 months' budget in the space of 2 weeks when we were with the Karibuni Trust so we decided to spend our time saving money by camping along the Kenyan Indian Ocean instead. It's a beautiful place with white beaches and turquoise seas but is slightly marred by hawkers and monkeys. The thought of camping under the canopy of monkey-inhabited trees sounds pretty spectacular until you actually do it. At first I liked them, I took lots of photos and I even named the most adventurous one. But on the second day Marvin stabbed me in the back. He stole the bread and supply of tomato flavoured crisps from outside our tent and then sat about 5 yards away making us watch him while he ate our lunch. Later in the evening he stole our mangoes. This would have been really annoying except for the reaction it provoked from Sally, one of the most placid people I know. In short, she lost it. She jumped to her feet and before I knew what was happening she had chased Marvin half way across the campsite launching a volley of stones in his wake whilst shouting various unrepeatable obscenities about monkeys choking on mangoes. She said she missed him on purpose but if you'd seen the look on her face I am fairly certain she wanted monkey blood. The next day when he thought I wasn't looking, Marvin tried to get into our tent and to the rest of our food. Having seen Sally lose it over a mango I did not want to find out what I was capable of if he stole my cheese, I'm fairly certain water-boarding monkeys is frowned upon over here, so we decided to pack up camp straight away and protect the cheese at all costs. Since then have made sure to only stay in campsites with fridges. In other news, salamander costume makers based in the South of England will be rubbing their hands in glee and ordering in extra stock at the news that I have finally asked Sally to marry me after 12 years and she said yes. I wouldn't go rushing out to get your reptile themed outfits just yet though, it's taken us this long to get engaged so it'll probably be a good few years yet before we think about actually getting married. We are now going to head slowly back to Nairobi to hopefully stay with our lovely friend Nellie, before we fly out to Madagascar for 5 weeks to meet even more Africa-based Bucks kids in Indya, Mark and Jo. I plan to spend the month perfecting my impression of the lemur who runs like he is walking on stinging nettles whilst also whooping Mark at Pass the Pigs.