A very smelly hello to you all from India!
It's been just 4 short weeks since we arrived and let us tell you, it feels like an eternity! As countries go, this is possibly the dirtiest and disgusting as they come. A real cultural eye opener. Indians, pigs, monkeys, cows, and donkeys a like, live on the litter infested streets together in perfect harmony. The majority of the time it's very difficult to tell the difference between the animals and the humans because they act so very similar.
Its very hard to put into words exactly how India is, but in all honesty people probably shouldn't know due to the damming effect the truth would have on their economy because of the major revolt in tourism to this urine drenched hole of a peninsula!
The above comments may seem rather harsh on such a poverty trodden nation but our belief is so, that if half the money that is spent on the building and maintaining of pointless religious monuments was invested more wisely into such a needy community then a vast majority of the homeless would be homed and hungry would be fed. Just replacing a handful of there golden spired temples with a sprinkling of the golden arches of Mcdonalds (no hamburgers or big macs) would aid there food shortage no end!
Some of sights we've come across really have to be seen to be believed. One of the Hindus many quite ludicrous beliefs is that cows are to be kept sacred and protected from harm which in turn means that the instead of the roads having a car emissions problem they have a mammal flatulence epidemic on there hands. If they were to challenge there belief system for a second they would realize how good a nice bloody side of cow tastes and what a waste it is for them to be strolling the streets.
That said, their food isn't all bad. You just have be prepared after every meal to spend between at least 1 hour and 4 days perched over a big dark hole in floor, as Leez found out to the dismay of her bowels last week.
HOWEVER!!!!!! The further south we travel the more pleasant our experience is becoming. In between toilet breaks we've had time enough to go trekking for 5 days through the ore-inspiring Himalayas where we very nearly imprisoned for cocaine trafficking, luckily upon further inspection (which included shaking, sniffing, and licking), the offending packages found were found to be a broken box of tampons!
After recovering from the laughter of watching the clueless Indian authorities endlessly pass sanitary products round a room, we opted for a Camel safari in the vast Thar desert, where we were accompanied on our journey by Pierre and Jean-Paul, possibly the two most over the top French homosexuals ever to set foot on this homophobic continent.
The days that followed our meeting were quite hilarious, hearing a camp Frenchman proclaim at the top of his voice "the camel is very hard in my arse"!!!! was one of the funniest moments of the trip.
Then, to refrain from our sides splitting anymore from the laughter we decided upon booking a train to the Taj Mahal. Of course being the money pinching, penny saver Gav is, he thought that booking lowest class seats for the 5 hour epic journey would be good area to save 20 cents or so. How wrong he was!!! The carriages were not dissimilar to prison cells, only slightly worse. Dark with no windows, little air and the air there was reeked of pungent urine. We were separated by 5 carriages with Liza spending her journey being stared and leered at by 50+ sex starved Indians, while Gav a few cars down was sharing the 8 seats available with over 24 of the lowest people in society, some hanging like monkeys from luggage shelves, and small children just opting to piss anywhere on the floor where they could perch there bare little arses! Overall the whole train journey was a pure joy and pleasure.
Even though it may not seem as if we've had a great time, we have. From trekking in the Himalaya's to safari's in the desert to visiting the Taj Mahal which is one of the 7 wonders of the world we have decided to cut our Indian experience short and head to the sun soaked beaches of Thailand very soon for the sake of our own sanity and health concerns!!!
To finish, a lovely little acronym for INDIA to leave you with;
I'll - Never - Do - It - Again.
Gav & Leez signing off xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx