Adventures of Gamblegirl
Adventures of Gamblegirl: Amsterdam Warning this email contains the following: Sexual content Drug References Swearing Content that those of delicate or conservative nature may find offensice. If you are uncomfortable with the above themes, please do not read on any further then indicated. Dah! Greetings from Amsteradam, the last stop on my trip! So this is it, my final stop -man I am so freakingly w***ed and sick and nearly just ready to GET OFF any way. But I won't. This traveller must persist (besides, how am I gonna get home?). Full on it has been, I'm almost ready to go back to work for some rest!!! (Okay this would have been hilariously funny if I was still at Olympus where getting a cup of coffee is considered hard work, however, that assignment is over because my replacement temp STOLE MY BLOODY JOB!). On our way to Amsterdam, we stopped off at Heidelberg (no not the one in Victoria!) which was pretty for the 5 mins of sighseeing I could do. I think that sometimes with "services" stops that I don't get anough time. Heidelberg is a college town on the river. It's quite pretty with a castle on top of a hill that has a great view. Then it was on to St Goar which is in the Rhine VAlley. Originally we were meant to drive thru the Rhine Valley but due to a few landslides, it was a detour for us. As we got into Holland, it was pretty cool to see all the windmills, all the cows (man there a lot of cows in Holland!), we stopped in Edam (yummy cheese!) where I learned something brand new. I CANT RIDE A BIKE! Yes that's correct, I can't ride a bike. You see I get on it and then I either fall to the left or the right. I just tip right over. Sense of balance is absolutely s***e! Which is a s*** because part of our Edam tour - yeah was by bike. Am feeling like such a major loser by this time. The shame, the shame. The s*** that I received...! Then it was into Amsterdam. Amsterdam itself it quite nice. Easy to get around, as like Melbourne, it has a tram system!! Unlike Melbourne, these run on time and on a regular basis and are quite fast. Bought myself a day pass and I was set. (Let me explain something here, I had this freaking cough that meant if I walked alot, I coughed a lot. This is not a pleasant experience for me and anyone around because it is an absolute foul wet, flem choking cough, so the tram it was!) First of all it was off to Anne Frank's Museum nice and early (glad we did because the queue when we got our was huge!!), which was something that I was reluctant to do. I'd read somewhere in a respected travel book that it was a TO MISS and that it was tacky, overrated and it was quite scathing about it. I knew that I'd go - not that I've ever read the book or anything, but everyone kind knows what happens! - but what my outcome would be was to be decided. I was surprised. I thought that it was excellent. To walk around in the annex that they hid in, so well preserved was unbelievable. The hide out was bigger and more domesticated then what I'd thought it would be. I don't know what I was expecting but I guess I was expecting them to live in a hole, or a tiny cramped room but it was an actual house with half decent living conditions except the they constantly lived in fear of being cought bit! I also went to the Heineken Experience Tour thing. No I haven't been converted to beer. It still tastes foul to me, but had to be done. It was actually a lot of fun. Hey Whiskey Distillery in Edinburgh - take note!! They had a few interactive rides, such as being a bottle which was real cool and fun or a simulation horse ride and I even got a free gift -woo hoo! That always has to be good. Sorry about the typing but this is a stiff s*** keyboard. Last chance to bail out of this email because you might be offended! When you discuss Amsterdam, the "culture" is something that can't be ignored. two things in particular - sex and drugs. Sometimes the 2 combined together. The first night in Amsterdam, I did what had to be done. Yep I rocked up to the Red Light District, keen and eager to check it out!! Poor, Jane, Andi and Anna, they had this perverted girl wanting to have a squiz at everything. I guess that in some ways porn, the advertisement of sex and sexual content don't shock me (sure it can make you squirm when you are watching a hot sex scene and ya mum enters the room but hey!!). I think that I've become desensitised to such things. I'm neither offended or embarrassed (except for point above!!), I'm just bemused (a couple of sexpos will do that to a girl!). Hmmmm mental note - when studying and looking of things with porn, must keep mouth shut and tongue inside mouth. I have a problem (okay no nominating them all from you lot!) that when I am looking and studying things, my mouth hangs open and my tongue pokes out. THis is not a good look when I'm looking at "Choc c*** " or "She-males - the best of both worlds vol 4"! So the girls stand in their red lit windows looking if possible high class skanky. I think there is something in having prositution legalised. REgardless of your views (welcome to the world of Bec, she's on her soap box for a moment, but it's my email so piss off!), it's always gonna happen. It's like the oldest profession, and it's not like theres gonna be a lack of market! By legalising it, health and safety measures can protect the girls - which is why the girls in Amsterdam are under strict health regulations. Most of them don't look like they've been hit by the ugly stick either! Although we did see one that looked like a scary Tina Turner! Anyway, can they look more friggin bored?!?!?! We got invited in to a few places, the funniest being "we have ladies with fresh bananas and men with salami!" I was too busy laughing to say yes or no. Besides I was already going to a show and as tempting as it is, um do I really need to see it twice? (Probably knowing how gutter minded I can be!). I saw an interesting bike which hmmm might encourage some to take up riding. You turned the peddles and up came the dildo thru the hole in the seat. Imagine that being ridden down the street, "peddle harder, harder, hard-er!" Anyway, sorry me having a my own laugh and now the people in the internet cafe think that I am weird (as what may some people reading this might think!) There's a lot of bridges in the Red Light District. Cross one and meet the eye of the man lurking there and you could be finding yourself buying all sorts of "goodies". I did catch a coke deal going on, discretion is not high on the agenda. Not when he yelled out "Do you want some coke?" Yeah real discrete. One guy must have thought that my friend Anna (hope you are getting better hon) was giving him the eye, because he headed in her direction with a little package in his hand. I had 2 requirements in Amsterdam that I HAD to do. One was to go to a sex museum (classy day I had - Anne Frank [history], sex museum [smut] and Heineken [beer]!) and the other was to go to a show. I managed to do them both. I'll start with the sex museum. First of all it took up until the next day to find the bloody place and it was by accident. It was , well an eye opener. A few exhibitions were just WRONG! Animals of any sort should not be doing anything related to sex OKAY? No, No, No, No. How long has porn been around? Looking at some of the artifacts dug up, forever it seems. Some of it was just bloody funny, some disturbing, some nice to look at. The 70's porn, funny, the 1800's porn, cheesey. I was disappointed about the lack of bondage displays (yes only me could be that!). Apparently the other one had a nasty display. w***, for an extra â‚¬2.50 I could have posed as a gimp. The sex show was interesting, very cheesey and tacky but I don't know,in a twisted way I liked it. (Yes I am a deviant). The performances were mechanical, slickly cheographed (ie 2 min of humping in one position, change to routine 2,then change again), the lack of emotion, evident. It was in all sense just f***ing. One guy had to have a little extra work put in(hey does workcover cover lockjaw?) 'cos he was struggling to crack wood. In order of ratings, he was the smallest b****** as well (the shame must have been what did it, for the room wasn't cold either!), the other two has a little extra to work with (although number 2, waxed your butt crack, jeez that was hairy!). And if you couldn't see them, not to worry for the bed rose and rotated. I expected it to be a little more kinkier (did get a bit of paddling which brings new meaning to beating around the bush!) but it was definitely something different. I know you want to know - did I inhale? no. Did I snack? Well actually no until Joya kicked my arse and gave me a some of her saved muffins on our night at the pub in London. Sad but true, was still the same hyper drunk girl. Sigh, so that's it. It's all come to an end. Part of me wants to keep going, but the rest of me needs to NOT live out of a suitcase and needs to NOT change location every 2 days. Until next time... Love and kisses from your neighbourhood freak!!!!