So it turns out it doesn't take long to neglect your online blogging duties so lets take a trip back in time... This is blog / diary dated Wednesday 18th November - haha.
I'm in the VIP section of the SURAT THANI - KO SAMUI Ferrly (Ferry) and i've been absent from my diary for sometime so the bullet point, catch-up, montage is required. Even Rocky had a montaaaage....
MONDAY 9th November
* Arrive at Chiang Mai, short truck drive to the Prince Hotel. Got a 3-man PIMP MC Suite!Me and Ben went for a walk around Chiang Mai. Its a very old town surrounded by a moat. We had a map but we weren't interested in looking at all the temples on there. We'd seen all the Temples we could handle in Bangkok. Until from behind a building something different cast a shadow on us.
It was a tall. good old stone and brick temple, almost Aztec. It had gnarly snakes made of stone running down its stairs as 'hand-rails'. It was a Temple, but it was different finally.
We walked some more and went to a baurtiful park, watched some guys playing a sweet game of kick-ups.
At night, Tee walked us all to a really cheap food court. The main thing everyone comes to Chiang Mai for is the market. It takes up the entire city centre. All the streets turn into night stalls. It was my nightmare. I hate shopping. And shopping with Lewis and Ben is just like shopping with my Mum and sister. Plus, the boys were buying bracelets. For themselves. Urgh weakkk.
We spotted a football shirt stall and wandered over. The guy held up an Internazionale shirt to Lewis as soon as he looked interested. 1250 Baht, like 25 squids. Lewis didnt have the money after his bracelet purchase, along with a Casio watch - old skool.
Everytime LEwis said I don't have money, which he really didnt, the guy lowered the price. 1000, 900, 800, 600, 450 Look Look I start at 1250. Now 450 take it take it. I DON'T HAVE MONEY. The most evil, pained look in his eye. It was truly heart breaking stuffs. No deal.
We headed back to the room and commenced some Ring of Fire times with our girlys. Issy should really learn not to swear and point or say the D word. Over and over. And over.
TUESDAY 10th November
Before we left for the food court the night before, Tee had been very clear that he wanted everyone at the meeting pagoda, downstairs at 9am sharp to leave at exactly 9.30am. Very, very clear indeed.
So when at 9.22am I'm woken by a more than vexxed Tee wondering where we are, I had no answer for him. I couldn't believe it. No alarms had woken up. We weren't packed. We had 6 minutes to pack our bags, which is effort. And also remember which stuff we needed to put in our day bags - cause these were what we were to take on our 3 day trek.
The most stressful, panic-inducing 6 minutes of my life.
Tee pierced my soul ever so slightly with that first glare. I survived barely. Phew.
About an hours drive away and after stopping for food and trek goods at a market, we arrived at our first point of call. Mork-Fa Waterfall in Suthep Pui National Park. It was a stunning 40 metre waterfall. We dived straight in and got to our boyish antics. Running through it was painnn. It punded your very core and left you a weaping mess somewhere under the water. This was only bettered when LEwis Samoan Dropped me directly into the liquid guilotine. Hellacious.
We drove further into the hills, that turned to mountains for an hour or so more.
From here we stopped, unloaded the trucks and began our 1.30 hour, mostly downwards walk to the first Khaosarn Village. We all made it pretty easily. VEry humid but pretty steady. SAMI + MOWGLI (Spitting image) were our two guides and they kept messing around and joking with everyone.... Aaaaargh Snaaake. s*** all the girls up. Made me piss. They were awesome, kept Thai boxing each other.
Sami handed me a firework not far from the village that I had to set off from my hand. His laugh is the best giggly, infectious laugh ever. Amazing. So many smiles.
The village was beautiful. It had a picturesque stream running right through its centre. Surrounding this were all the raised, wooden huts of the villagers. The backdrop was high rolling, tree covered hills and rice fields. Lots of sun, flowers and banana plants. Very Tropic Thunder.
Dropped our stuff off in the sleeper hut and headed to the river for the shower. They'd fashioned a shower out of bamboo that carried water from a higher level of the stream to the lower level so it was raised from the floor. Looked sturdy enough, until Emma decided to shower and face-planted the whole thing to the floor. Quickly we were discovering that if something was going to go wrong, if someone was going to fall, Emma was going to be at the epicentre. Bless. Love youuu.
After dinner, Sami and Mowgli built us a fire and we just sat around talking until we were all ready for bed.
WEDNESDAY 11th November
Scattered sleep thanks to a Chorus of Cockerals from 4am-9am. Bad times. Lewis woke with an unbelievable urge to revisit the Grand Palace but he couldn't bring himself to head to the toilets. Which with hindsight are not the worst we'eve seen... But back when we were fresh...
We had breakfast and headed out on our 4 hour trek to the elephant camp. Me and Ben passed the time with our own karaoke sessions ; R Kelly - Ignition Remix, Muse - Resistance, Al Green - Lets Stay Together, plus requests of Tom Jones et al.
On the top of one ridge, the elderly statesman Steve nearly met his maker (which he later furiously denied). Not to stable going down hill he top a bit of a downwards stumble and if he hadn't had grabbed onto the only tree for 100 metres he would have gone face first right down a pretty epic drop. He was not alone in his stumblings though. Emma and I think Issy both took part - despite the warnings of SLOW! SLOW! Everything in Thailand is repeted twice. Photo! Photo! 5 Star Hotel! 5 Star Hotel!
We arrived at the Elephant Camp around lunchtime. The elephants were very beautiful and very beautifully hung lowwww. Jeeeeez. There skin felt like hairy leather and there faces do rather resemble a scrotum. Sorry elephants.
One of the elephants had recently had a baby so was not carrying people right now, so Me and Lewis volunteered to sit out, with the promise of a private ride later. Not perverted. When the group got down from their elephants and began the last 20 minutes of walking tot he next village, Me and Lewis got our turn.
We had a 1.30 hour trek down the middle of a River which was pretty awesome. Great scenery. We started to come up with new names for our leader Tee ; Tesus Christ, Temmanuel Teboue, Teemou Tanio. Private jokes, but jokes nontheless.
After arriving we went for a swim in the river to cool off, then went for our pre-organised football match versus the Local Boyz. it was a 30-Man Royal Rumble in the Jungle Football Bonanza and is skill one of the funnest things I have done all trip. We quickly went up 2-0 with some dizzying Diego Samba skills and a beautiful nut-meg through ball by yours truly finished off by some guy. Whammy. I soon go the impression though that this match was going on for a long time and that it wouldn't end until the Locals had a draw atleast. At 2-2 it ended, shock.
As night descended and after we'd feasted, we were promised Champion Gaaames! Courtesy of Sami and Mowgli. We played one game which I wont bother explaining because the simplicity of it was beautiful but it baffled me when we had to have 13 trial runs before anyone did the right thing. Arrrgh. I hang my head. But basically, if you did something wrong, you got your face covered in charcoal. It was hilarious and didnt end until we were all Minstrels.
We played games and told stories well into the night and had a great time. For those there, Issy trying to scare people and scaring herself. I cry at that story.
THURSDAY 12th November
We woke up early to head down the river on our rafts for a good 4 hours to get out of the jungle. This was annoying more than hard. Getting instructions barked at you by four different people. 4 different instructions. But smile and do it.
We came a copper on a fallen tree that we ended up stuck on. HAd to bail off, withstand the awesome current and try to move the raft back into the water. We made it. We are beefcakes.
Further down the river we hit some rapids which Ben couldn't keep himself dry for. After realising I had made it through, I checked for my fellow riversmen. Mowgli check. Kacie check. Lewis check. Me check. Then behind me, Beee, wheres Ben! From under the water, with legs still on the raft, Bens face emerged from the water. "S'up Guys!"
That image will stay with me until death, Hilarious.
3 hours later we'd had dinner and were heading back to civilisation in the form of Chiang Mai. Back to the Prince Hotel. That night we went back to the food court and played a much more alcohol induced game of Ring of Fire.
When "I Wanna Rock" by Twisted Sisters came on Lewis got all Rock'n'Roll on us. He flipped from the 'mezzanine' level, over a barrier and landed full force on my bed. Shattering in effectively. Lame. Sort that in the morning.
For Me, Lewis and Issy came the most cringeworthy few hours of, certainly, my life. We know and we wish to forget. The Usher. The massage. The one-liners. No more, no more.