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The Amazon tour
I hardly slept a wink so was yawning constantly as the the taxi made its way up through La Paz to the airport at 6 am.
I had my usual argument with the taxi driver over the fare being different from what the hostel had said and checked in for my flight.
Can I have a window seat please ?
No.
Sorry? Why not, are they full?
No windows on the plane she said smiling.
Now I know I was half asleep but did she just say no windows?
Obviously I questioned this.
No windows?
She laughed and then said, ahhh sorry, I mean every window, small plane, realising her mistake in trying to explain to me in English.
When I saw the plane pull in to the gate, she was not kidding, it was like a toy amongst all the others, a tiny little crop duster with propellors, even smaller than the one for the Everest tour. It had about 16 seats on it.
I figured it would be fun as we hopped on board.
And fun it was for about ten minutes until we hit some turbulence in the clouds.
It was worse than any ride could ever be created at Alton Towers.
I guess what did not help was that I was only two seats back from the pilot, and I could see him wrestling and fighting with the controls.
No red lights started flashing on the display like they do on the movies, so I was hoping everything would be ok.
This went on for about twenty minutes, and when we did finally come out of the cloud you could see the jungle below briefly but it was really foggy and cloudy.
You could hardly see a thing and then it really started to rain as he shot down towards the trees.
I had no idea if we were landing or about to crash in to the jungle.
Now may be a good time to adopt a religion I thought as we went lower.
I could make out trees either side but no sign of a runway so guessed we were crashing.
Being used to big airports you can easily see the landing strip on the way in no matter where you are on the plane.
A couple of bangs and slamming on the brakes and we had landed.
It really was just a little strip in the trees.
We taxied to the end of the runway where there was absolutely nothing and then he turned the engines off and opened the door.
The locals just carried on reading their papers, but there were a couple of us tourists who looked at each other as if to say where is the airport?
Ten minutes passed and I started to worry as my tour was picking me up at the airport. I was supposed to have landed at 8.45 and it was now 9.15 and I was still on the plane..i wonder if they will wait.
It was really hot and I was getting a bit claustrophobic so was happy when the pilot waved us off, although we were not sure why as we then just stood outside the plane as it started to rain.
Bus coming he said.
Oh, ok, as it really started to rain and we all tried to shelter under the wing.
The bus turned up but it was full of people.
We stared at them and they stared at us.
This is getting crazy now. A lad jumped off the bus with a big box of umbrellas and handed them to us.
Now we were really confused. Why bring a bus that is full and then just sit there.
So there we were stood in the pouring rain looking through the window of the bus full of people who were looking at us with the same questioning look.
A little motorbike with a trailer turned up and unloaded our luggage.
As usual I had chosen not to put my waterproof cover on my rucksack and watched the rain bounce off it as he threw it on the trailer.
Then someone on the bus shuted "vamos" and they all jumped off and went inside the plane.
How ridiculous, they were the passengers who were now leaving. Why on earth could they have not got on the plane ten minutes ago and let us leave.
Anyhow on we got on and headed to the terminal which was no more than a chicken hut. I was pleased to see a few jeeps waiting outside.
As I got off the minibus someone shouted Andy and I was happy I had not missed my tour.
I went in to the hut and collected my now wet rucksack. I had forgotten my water in the taxi so had planned to buy some when we landed thinking it would be a normal airport. Nope it really was a few children with runny noses, a couple of chickens running around and a wet trailer......definitely no shops.
I was not surprised to see a jeep older than me, but what I was surprised at were how many people were jammed in the back.
Ok Andy, jump in the guide said to me.
It was hot, it was humid, the windows were steamed up and there was hardly any space.
I remembered that the trip was three hours as I squeezed in.
It had been cold in la paz so I had shoes and trousers on. All the others had shorts and flip flops.
I was hot and uncomfortable within seconds, I was not sure I would make the journey as he slammed the door and a load of muddy water went all over me.
Luckily it stopped raining and he had the window open, so as soon as we started off there was a breeze and some air.
It was a horrible dirt road and bumpy as hell. I was gagging for a drink and started to feel my ham toasty from the airport want to make its exit. I was so tired and just wanted to sleep.
After an hour and a half we stopped off at a little shack and I was able to buy some water. Out the back they had cooked an Armadillo so we had a taste. It was a bit bizarre like chicken that tasted of Gammon.
Back in to the bus from hell for another hour and a half.
It passed sooner than I had anticipated and we stopped for lunch.
After lunch we headed to where the boats were and as soon as my rucksack had been unloaded I stripped off and got my flipflops and shorts on..heaven at last...
We jumped in the boat and headed to camp. As soon as we went around the first turn we saw a huge Pink Dolphin.
Wow this is really going to be like it said on the brochure I thought as I got my camera out.........we did not see any more the rest of the day, just a few little monkeys and some birds.
Oh well, it was nice to be on the river.
Base camp was as I expected, run down and basic, but everyone was really friendly and the food was nice.
We had a couple hours before dinner so I jumped in a hammock for a power nap.
Next thing It was dark as the guide woke me up.
Food amigo, food.
It had been a good power nap.
We had dinner and then we asked where we could buy some beer.
The guide started laughing.
We took that as a no.
We went back down the river with our torches in the pitch black looking for Alligators and Caymen. They are easy to spot as their eyes reflect like a cat.
We saw a couple, but they were a long way away. It was not quite as exciiting as I had imagined it.
We all had to be up at half five to see the sunrise so we all headed to bed.
I was amazed, it was only half eight and most of the group were really young, and yet everyone jumped straight in to bed and went to sleep.
The excitement of the Dolphin must have been too much.
Half five and we are all rubbing our eyes as we jump on the boat. We pulled up on a bend with a few other boats all full of anticipation.
We saw a couple of red clouds and then it just went cloudy.
Too much cloud Amigos the guide shouted as he started the engine.
Another anti climax.
Next was hunting for snakes and Anacondas. We had to cover up and spray on the jungle formula as we were going to the wetlands which were full of mosquitos.
It was a bit like a wet field that stunk with a few bushes.
Oh and mosquitos,,,,,,,,trillions of them!
Surprise surprise we trenched around for an hour and saw sod all.
The only thing near a snake I saw was when I went for a pee......
So hot, covered in mud and bit to death we go back to camp to get changed.
We all had a laugh as to how the brochure was so far away from what we had actually seen, and none of us had really expected that much anyway.
But We had not paid alot and we were on the river and we had actually seen a small Alligator, a monkey and and some birds.
Somehow the swimming with Dolphins is not going to be like Sea World we thought.
Next stop Piranha fishing......wow that sounds exciting.
Nope.
We never even had a bite. The river is too high Amigos our guide said.
What a surprise.
We went to another place on the river that had beer, so had a few drinks as we watched the sun set before heading back to shanty town.
That night the mosquitos were worse than ever. People were eating their dinner in raincoats with hoods on to try to keep them off.
The only safe area we had was the mosquito nets on our beds, so as soon as we had all eaten we jumped in to bed to hide. Another early night.
When we first got there I was last off the boat so everyone had already picked their beds in the dorm, so I got the last one right be the door. Ideally I wanted the one in the corner but Bamber had got their first.
Anyhow as we got up on our final day Bamber was itching like mad.
He thought he had lots of mosquito bites but it must have been bed bugs. His back, arse and back of his legs were covered with thousands of bites, he was in a right mess. Looks like I dodged a bullet there in not getting that bed after all.
Final morning was swimming with dolphins. Whilst having a beer I had met some boys I met in Argentina and they told me that they really did swim with dolphins and that one had bitten his toes.
Dont splash your legs too much he told me. They think your feet are fish which is why they bite them.
As we pulled up in the river this stuck in my head. Everyone had stripped off and jumped off before we even stopped they were so excited.
There was a dolphin in the distance but he certainly was not putting a show on or swimming near everyone.
I wanted to stay in the boat until it came close but I was beginning to look like a p**** so jumped in.
Now I am not the best swimmer to begin with, but trying to tread water without moving your feet is really tiring.
I was paranoid I was going to get bitten, but was worried more about the shock than the bite.
Anyhow after a few minutes and no sign of flipper I reckoned it was going to be another day of it not happening and went back to the boat.
Just as well as flipper decided to stay away so I did not miss out.
So we went back and packed up and looked forward to our three hours back on the jeep.
We were all staying in Rurrenabaque that night so we all went out for a meal and a few beers which was nice, but I had to be up early in the morning for part two of my tour,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, which was the Jungle!!!!
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