7.6.2008

Is life really suffering?...All you need is LOVE

I would have answered yes until a few hours ago…I had been in a daze for a few days. Sometimes I forget how intensive our time is here with John and Lucy, starting from very early in the morning, having our own practise, and then doing lessons all day long. Even when I made it to the tree on Friday I was resentful slightly that I could only spend 15-20minutes. Everything seems to run back to back, with not much time to reflect.

So it was only natural that towards the end of the week we had all got tired, found it hard to focus. Even John seemed distant on Friday as he may have had things on his mind too. Then I wasn't impatient to get away on Friday afternoon, to head to Golden Bay and breathe the ocean air, feel the breeze and somehow disconnect from Stillpoint.

And yet I found myself not so present at all. It's amazing how my mind wanders about, how entertaining it can be. But the danger is that as it entertains it can also bring suffering. I realised that I had given in to expectations, moved to the future again, started to make plans and make a lot of contact with the outside world again.

Life is full of surprises, I've had great evidence of that, met amazing people, touched a lot of people's hearts and allowed them into mine as well. As I turned 30 last year I knew I would have a lot work on my heart, it physically opened up as well as emotionally. I decided to serve my heart on a plate to people, not to hold back, be open and vulnerable. John mentioned last week that vulnerability can be a very special place as well, because that's where we learn lessons, its life's way of reaching to us, it's a golden opportunity.

I did feel that vulnerability greatly tonight though. And if it wasn't people around me I'm not sure if I could have collected my pieces so quickly. We must be all here for a reason, learning from each other…I think it is all planned in a way to bring this roomful of people together in such intense environment.

Anandi was great tonight, there is such wisdom in her, through experience as well. She's so full of life, energy and love. She really nurtured me at a time I needed and gave me the advice I needed. So life isn't about suffering at all, its only the ego making noise. I've learned not to take it personally and allow it to unfold in a way that it needs to.

Back to early practise tomorrow morning…and then to write my essay for Swami "who am I?"… That will be an interesting essay to write...Heart smiles, shines, ego shrinks...all is well!

We're watching Moulin Rouge tonight...All you need is LOVE!