19.5.2008

Happy birthday to me

Life is just great, who would have thought that I would be spending my 31st birthday here at stillpoint, doing a yoga course, with 10 people I have met very recently and yet connected really well with…

Full of surprises indeed. So much happened since Thursday, I had written about how love had found me, as it does in most friendships and relationships…I had the fastest and the most beautiful relationship which started on Thursday and ended on Sunday. I always knew how much love and respect I had for Lawrence, and we had been spending a lot of time together and I felt such a strong connection that I hadn't felt for a long time. Perhaps it was the fact that we were both in places in our lives for such chemistry to blossom.

But as John often refers to it for anything to manifest and evolve all the conditions and timing needs to be right. This wasn't the case with Lawrence and I, as he had just ended a relationship, and I was in the middle of an intense yoga course (not that this matters for me so much but I can now see it). Anyway, it was very fast for both of us but the fact that we lived each moment fully it also felt like I spent a lifetime with him. I have never met such a great being before, so kind, so calm, so patient, so funny…but we are now friends.

It was hard and painful to detach from it as we will be seeing more of each other for the next 6 weeks, but perhaps this could be better for getting to know each other. And whatever happens will happen in the future anyway. There is learning to be done in everything, I don't quite know why we're in the situation we're in but I know that at the end of the 6 weeks I would have figured it out.

So this morning I woke up pretty sad, meditated for an hour and went for a walk to sit under my tree to watch the sunrise. I walked over to visit the horses, rang dad as I stroked them and got my blanket eaten! Its so soothing to talk to dad, I told him that I am having amazing experiences here; feeling so connected to whatever higher is out there. He took it pretty well as it is not something I could quite express on the phone anyhow.

And the rest of the day has been a little blurry. The group have been amazing, they sang happy birthday before the yoga class, gave me hugs and kisses. Lawrence gave me great gifts at lunch time under the tree as I unwrapped them all with excitement, even though the best gift he has given me so far was to cross my path. And our long talk in the afternoon cleared the air and lifted my spirits again, so we both know how to be around each other (even though I would like to bend some of those rules).

Swami's advice was that "loving is about giving, not taking. And the best gift we can give each other is support and space, to grow to learn to understand to clear out emotions"Wow, I feel like I'm on a washing machine here sometimes, changing so quickly. It would have taken me years to learn what I have learnt in one year alone!

Anyhow, I was grateful for both my parents to bring me to this world, all the love I have around me, my path and the excitement of what else may be coming my way.

Uncertainty is what I want in my life, lots of it…so that I have potential to grow! Like my big tree in the middle of the field.