23.12.2008

When you meet the new ex of an ex

Only a few days into my stay in Kovalam and already I'm very comfortable with my routine of yoga, beach, Ayurveda treatment and reading…But an encounter yesterday threw me out of balance. I met an ex's new ex.

Its funny how a lot of insecurities can creep up in such situations, a lot of which are mind made. This girl was like a model, tall, slim, gorgeous dark brown hair, a beautiful face, big lips…A girl who would walk into a room and all gazes would land on. Anyhow I knew that my emotions were silly, how irrelevant and ugly I felt next to this thing. But then I could notice that none of these assumptions were really right, they were of my ego, putting me in a place amongst others. Prettier than some, uglier than others, cleverer than some and dumber than others…some kind of ranking that either made me feel good or made me feel like s***. After a night of feeling down I knew that I wouldn't carry on with this nonsense and that I had to get beyond it. So turned my attention to those around me, be myself when I'm with them and just accept it as it is.

And it is so obvious that it is all based on the ego. If I hadn't known that this girl was the new ex of my ex I would probably want to talk to her and hang out with her, but that piece of information was enough to be judgemental towards her, to avoid her and somehow to compare myself to her. I surely do not compare myself to any others so why her??

So Oz has a plan…I shall have tea with her one day and get to know her. This is it baby, it's you and me ego, and I shall shatter you to pieces!

2 days later:

Well I did it, we had a 2hour breakfast and got to know each other, realising that there were no reasons to be threatened by each other. We shared some very honest truths and now enjoy each others' company very much. I think it was harder on the ex to deal with two of his ex's being so close but he's also over that now too.