Phew! A weight has just been lifted off my shoulders. I had my first big project due this afternoon - a 30 minute solo presentation in my Greek class, on a topic I did not feel apt to present, in front of people much more learned than I on the Bible. But now it's over! I had been preparing and preparing and preparing for days prior to this moment, and, as the time drew closer, I worried more and more that I might forget a train of thought, or stumble over my words, or say something the other students would laugh at, or the professor think ridiculous. In a word, I thought about all that could go wrong.

Was that the right way to go about it? Was it necessary to have worried about anything? It is the common way to take on any stressful situation, is it not? But is it the right way? Is there anything productive, anything worthy of thanks, anything gained in such a state of mind? I have a not a little fear of flying, though I've flown many times. And everytime, whenever there's a sudden spell of turbulence, my grasp on the seat gets a little tighter, and my heart beats a little faster. And everytime, we land safely, and I find there was nothing to be worked up about. But say something did go wrong on the plane, or the presentation was a disaster, or you said all the wrong things on the date, or whatever the case may be, does that justify the worrying? Can a man rightly stand up and say, "I'm glad so-and-so went wrong, for I knew it would the whole time." What's to be gained in that state of mind? It would be much better to say, "I failed, there's no denying that. But what of that? I'll just pause and think what went wrong, accept it, learn from it, and go from there. But I refuse to keep myself down. That would be to surrender my hope, to lose faith in the source of love, to deny that we are looked after, cared for, always and ever in the hands of He who is doing the very best he can for every one of us."

My main point is that I was wrong in worrying about the consequences of screwing up in my presentation. And I did screw up: I poorly answered a few questions, I talked too fast, I hardly made eye contact, etc, etc.

"You're being way too particular; there's no need to dwell on such trifles."

"You're right. Noone is perfect. But the point is that a person has endless opportunities to worry about something, with even the tiniest significance, be he conscious or unconscious of the fact. But all a man is asked to do is better what he can, to do the duty of the moment, and leave the rest to his maker."

I could almost envy those of you who by nature are never bothered with what might go wrong. I know many who are, and doubtless the same see the ridiculousness of me even talking about it; but I by nature am a worry-wart, and have to therefore consciously make the effort to forget those thoughts that can so easily creep inside my head without my noticing. No! there is absolutely no sense in thinking of the consequences of anything, if one would do and be right! unless of course it is his duty, like that of a coach or soldier, to acknowledge every possible scenario and plan accordingly; but the little individuals acts in everday life that require courage in the face of danger or ridicule - I'm merely thinking of being open and honest in conversation with a stranger (since I've been doing a lot of that lately) or anything as simple as that - are much better done without worry about what he/she might think, and simply focusing on telling the truth.

What would you like next week? Not another sermon-like blog I'm sure. Our English class has been reading some very strange but entertaining short stories by Kipling, who took his inspiration from his experience in India; and I might try and do the same for the next blog.

The other day I was walking to the golf course with a friend, and as we turned the corner into a certain street, we just about ran into a large man, clad in a full suit of Scottish armor, complete with a red and purple kilt, and a fully shaved head save a small patch of long black hair in the back. I've seen him walking through the golf course before, and I'll try and find out more about him.

Cheers!