12th Sept.

SNORING.

My roommate is a snorer. I don't know if you have ever shared a room with a snorer for any length of time, and I mean no disrespect to my dear friends that snore (I still love YOU guys) but attempting to share a bunkbed with someone that sounds like a warthog with a chest cold is less than relaxing and infact, may drive one to the point of insanity. I am certainly approaching that point.

If snoring actually sounded like it does in cartoons, like a short inward snort then an outward whistle, that would be bad enough but the reality is far more disturbing. As far as I know, snoring is caused by some narrowness of the nasal passages and air forcing through them, and it SOUNDS like that, too, with an additional heap of chesty and lung functions involved.

As I have discovered the last two weeks, snorers do not just snore. My roommate starts off with heavy breathing, the kind you have when you have a cold and can't breathe properly. This gets progressively louder and louder, with popping and catching noises being introduced. She starts snorting a bit, and whistling on the outbreath. Then begin the HONKS and parps and gurgles and this sound is assaulting my ears from every angle. If I lie on my back, it creeps around both sides of the matress to hit both ears simultaeously. If I lie on my side, one ear is attacked as the hubbub penetrates THROUGH the matress whilst the other is drenched in the waves radiating through the air in the bedroom.
Earplugs are futile! Her snoring soaks through them with ease.
There is nothing I can do, I cannot escape.

This snoring is driving me mental, it repulses me to have to spend every night before I sleep listening to air shunting through her nasal passages and lungs, this noise does not lull me to sleep! I find myself considering equally offensive habits that I might have but none come close, I should develop some, is it possible, you think, to FORCE oneself to scream out loud in your sleep? Surely it's just a short step on from sleeptalking, although in all likelihood, her symphony would drown out any noise I could produce and she would no doubt sleep through it.

I am overtired and in possesion of a burning resentment towards her that is not healthy; I need peace and quiet and a good nights sleep. I need revenge; save me!